I don't know how this "insurance" thing works!

That's not my problem.

"Thanks for calling _______, can I have your name please?"
"Frank."
"Thanks, Frank, can you verify your date of birth?"
"January 1, 1959."
"Thanks, how can I help you today?"

That's a pretty standard way that most calls start out. If they start out any other way, there's likely a problem.

"Well, I went to have a procedure done, and I was told when I got to the doctor that I had to pay them money because I hadn't met my 'deductible'. Why is that?"
"I understand your frustration, and I apologize. Frank, I do show that you actually don't have any amount met toward your deductible. Have you been to the doctor this year?"
"Of course not, I've been healthy as a horse up 'till now! But I've been paying hundreds toward my deductible!"
"... Been paying whom? A doctor?"
"No, it gets taken out of my paycheck every month!"
"Ohhh. Your premiums. Frank, your premiums don't count toward your deductible. That's separate."
"No! I was told when I'm payin' for it outta my check, it's for my insurance, which means it's for this deductible!"
"... Frank, that isn't how insurance works."
"So you're tryin' to tell me that I've been payin' for this insurance for months now and it's absolutely useless and I'm out thousands of dollars now?!"
"It's not useless by any means, Frank, it's just --"
"You sonuvabitch, this is fraud! This is illegal!"
"No, Frank, it's not."

And this is when it stops being my problem.

So, let me get this straight: you were told, by some unknown entity - your employer, your friend, your uninformed in-law, your dog - that all you had to do was have some money taken out of your paycheck every month and boom, your insurance was free and you'd never pay another dime?

That's not how it works. And if you don't listen to me when I try to explain it, then it stops being my problem and starts just plain being your's.

Us

We work in the insurance industry. Specifically, we are two customer relations/service representatives employed by one of the nation's largest, most respected chains of health insurance providers. Pretty much everything about our work environment is identical to the typical office space you're familiar with: we're moved around often, we work in cubicles, there are a lot of us in one building, and we're on computers almost all day. We work eight hours a day, five days a week (six if your abilities go beyond what you were originally trained for), we have retirement funds and company-provided health insurance that we, too, pay for. We're about as normal as it gets, yet another byproduct of the American condition, with the exception of the fact that we work in an industry that is hated, reviled, one where we are regularly yelled at and even cursed at every day. People claim they hate and willingly abuse telemarketers - but let me tell you right now, having (briefly) dipped my toes into the telemarketing industry, I have to say that people treat health insurance representatives just as badly, if not worse.

The intention of this blog is to share our everyday interactions with customers just like you - my co-author works in a section that offers customer support to people who have individual health insurance not offered through an employer, and I work in an area that offers support to people who have health insurance through their employers, who tend to be mostly smaller businesses. The things we hear on a daily basis are at times alarming, worrisome, sometimes depressing, and more often than not unintentionally hilarious - and this is our way of sharing with the world (without breaking any HIPAA laws, of course).

The names, states, and cities of those involved have been changed to protect the innocent. Anyone accused of breaking the laws of common sense is presumed innocent until proven gui-- no, they're guilty.